I think I'm broken

My husband and I have been trying for 6 months to get pregnant again. I've been hoping that it would happen again, however after 6 months, it still hasn't happened.

It's so frustrating each month to feel my boobs hurt, feel a little nauseous and then AF shows up. I wish she would take her ugly head and go somewhere else.

I know we've gone a longer period of time without using bc and not getting pregnant but man this is getting frustrating. Very, very frustrating. I have a friend who has been trying for a year now and still hasn't had that "magic moment" either.

Every time I see a baby or I hear a baby I feel a little sad. Some days I think I'd be alright by never seeing a positive test again, but then AF shows up and I'm not ok. I try to take solace in the two boys that I have been blessed with already, but sometimes, I yearn for another little one to hold and love. One that I can nurse and snuggle with and show all sorts of love to. I yearn to have someone that needs me so much and loves me unconditionally.

It's moment like tonight when I see AF show up that I am not ok and I think that in itself is ok as long as I don't let it consume me.

I will continue to pray that God will see fit to bless me with another little one to raise in His ways, until that day I pray that I will cherish the two children he already blessed me with.